Clear Water
by infinitemaybe
Summary: There is a fine line between love and hate... Leah Clearwater's story. Her perspective along with Emily's and Sam's. It starts right before Emily and Sam get together and will go past Breaking Dawn.
1. Coming

Clear Water

by infinitemaybe

CHAPTER ONE:

_August 2004, approx. one year before Twilight_

It was a special day. I was excited, exhilarated even. Sam Uley. The words, the name, the sounds. So sweet on my tongue. Sweeter than honey! He was tall and dark, handsome and brooding. And I loved him even before freshman year, when we started dating. He was so much to me.

I was meeting him today. Just the sight of him made me feel alive. I felt the world spin faster when I was in his arms. The world was a bit brighter, less bittersweet than normal. He made its color burst with vibrance.

But my main excitement was Emily. Emily was coming! My cousin, we were closer than sisters. We had a bond that would never break. 'Best friends' were not strong enough words. Yet Emily was second, Sam coming first. Always Sam.

You'd say I was obsessed. But aren't those who love obsessed? Though obsession was the key component in my downfall. Obsession binds. Its grip is tight, never letting go. And even once loosened, the memories will still haunt. There is no way out.

Back to Emily. Sam would meet Emily. My two best friends in the world meeting each other. Emily was very ecstatic when I mentioned Sam, mostly for me.

"He sounds so wonderful! You deserve him Leah!" she gushed to me over the phone.

I smiled and nodded, thinking of him. Of course Emily couldn't see me nod, but she knew. She had a way of knowing.

Just the other day, as Sam was stroking my hair as we walked down the beach, I told him about Emily.

"She sounds very nice." he said.

I nodded.

"But you are always first. Nothing will ever stop that!" I replied.

Sam kissed me. I felt... no, I couldn't feel. The numbing sensation was perfect. I was floating in clear, calm water. I laughed at that.. Clear water. Like my name.

Leah Clearwater would someday be Leah Uley. I knew it.

As we broke the embrace, Sam whispered in my ear, "You will always be first to me!"

I closed my eyes and took it in. I never knew I'd be my own downfall.

Emily came a few days later. She got out of the car and I ran to her from the house.

"Emily!" I cried, hugging her.

"Oh Leah! It's so nice to be at the reservation. I've heard so much about the happenings but it's different to actually be here."

"You have to meet - " I started.

"Sam," she said, cutting me off and grinning. "I know. I have to make sure your boyfriend is good enough for you."

I laughed at that. Of course Sam was good enough. In fact, in comparison I wasn't good enough for him!

Seth, my little brother, came out of the house. Striding with the typical cockiness of a thirteen year old.

"Hi Emily." he said.

"Hey Seth. How's it going?" Emily asked.

"Good. Same old, same old." he replied.

Emily nodded.

"Know that feeling!" She turned to me. "Now, let's meet Sam."

Seth rolled his eyes.

"Sam? Oh yeah. Leah's practically obsessed with him. They have moonlight walks and kiss at the beach all the time!" he laughed.

I blushed.

"Seth, that's not funny." I growled.

But with Emily being Emily, she was used to it. I'd told her enough anyway. She just laughed.

"Well, now I'll have some questions to ask Sam."

I glared at Seth when Emily was out of eyeshot.

"Sorry." he whispered, but the tell-tale smile on his face told me he wasn't.

"Go away, okay?" I commanded.

He put his hands up in the air.

"Leaving!"

Just as Seth left, I turned. There was Sam! He had come! He climbed out of his car. He was so gorgeous. My heart beat faster than normal everytime I saw him. Emily stared at him, her expression that of suprise.

"You weren't kidding." she whispered. "He's gorgeous and perfect."

I shot her an "I told you so" glance.

I ran to Sam and threw my arms around him.

"Hey Leah. Is this Emily?" he asked, staring at her, not at me.

"Yeah. Emily, come over." I called. "This is Sam and Sam, this is Emily."

"I've heard so much." Emily said, shaking Sam's hand. She was always so formal.

"Sam... Uh, Sam Uley." he said, stumbling on his words. This was unlike Sam. He was always so cool, calm, and collected so much different me. But as they say, opposites attract.

I should have known it then. But I was blinded by my excitement. The two people I loved the most were in love with each other. I couldn't see it then.

Sam began spending more time with Emily than he did with me.

"Don't worry Leah. You don't have to be jealous!" he laughed. "I'm just showing her around."

"I can do that too, you know." I muttered.

"But you already have. She needs a different view." he said.

He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. There wasn't much feeling in the kiss, and in the back of my mind I knew that. But I refused to think of it and I forgot that we have ever argued.

Emily started to change. We seemed to have drifted apart. I was pulling away I guess and trying to get closer to Sam. Even though Sam was already away from my grasp. They laughed together and smile secret smiles. Like, they were a couple. I only stood in the background, smiling bittersweetly as I watched them.

Then one day, he broke it to me.

"I don't love you anymore, Leah."

The words hit me like darts. I felt a million heartbreaks all at once. I couldn't breathe, much less speak. I was breaking into millions of pieces.

"It's nothing you've done. It's me. It's my fault. I've become - I've become someone different. And I've known it for a while but I tried to be different and now... I can't love you anymore. You are dear to me. You always will be. I just can't love you like I did before." he said, holding my hands in his.

Sam kissed my cheek.

"Why?" I murmured.

"I've... I can't explain. I can't tell you. I wish I could. Emily is... I wish you'd understand. I'd give everything for you to understand. But Leah, someday you'll know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I walked away. I could hear his voice in my head.

"Someday you'll know."

I heard his voice and remembered all the walks down the beach. All of our silent talks, both of us together not saying a word but knowing each other's thoughts.

Tears streamed down my eyes. I couldn't stop them, I couldn't hide them. So instead, I found my solace in them.

A/N: Woot! I'm back! If you've been following this in any way, thank you! I wrote this quite sometime ago and it has been collecting dust for at least a year. But I'm back now! (: Currently I'll be editing Clear Water's chapters to harbor more details and updates. So stay tuned. And review if you please! I love reviews!


	2. Imprint

CHAPTER TWO (Sam)

It's was hard to understand. It was complicated. I loved Leah, I really did! She was amazing. She was brilliant. She was herself and proud of it. We weren't at all alike and I loved her for it. But, even with all those things, I didn't tell her. I really couldn't. It all happened so quickly. The Quileute legends were real. She didn't know what I had become. And if I told her, what would she believe?

I had changed. I wasn't me anymore. I was different. I was stronger, faster. My senses were a new. I felt differently too. The weeks when I first phased were terrifying for both of us. She thought I had gotten into an accident. Her family searched for me... two weeks. Then when I came back, the Elders knew. And they were all. Leah greeted me, relieved that I was not hurt. She didn't know how confused and even scared I was. She asked and asked what had happened but I always remained silent. If only I hadn't. Even as the people talked of me and how the two weeks were spent with drugs and recklessness, she refused to listen. She believed I was incapable of that sort. She believed in my goodness. I've betrayed her trust.

Sometime later, Leah told me about her friend, Emily. I expected to see no one exciting.

But, I imprinted.

I couldn't help it. It was inevitable. It was what happened, being a werewolf. I had to accept that as it was. Yet, it would hurt Leah. It would wound her deeply. I was torn. I couldn't control my emotions. I had nothing I could fight them with. I felt yearning. I didn't want to be with Leah, terrible as it sounds.

Emily was what - who I desired. Her long dark hair cascaded down her back in soft waves. Her brown eyes were beautiful. I was lost in them. I think Leah knew. I was drifting away from her. No matter how hard I tried to keep on being the Sam I was, I couldn't.

I laughed and smiled and kissed Leah in hopes that maybe I'd change my course. But it was already set. I couldn't do anything. Part of me wanted to die, I was torn in misery. The other part yearned to be free to my emotions.

I did what was best. I broke up with Leah. Being with her was a lie, a lie she didn't deserve. I will never forget how her face looked. Her eyes lost their shine, her face became crumpled. She walked away from me. Her voice pounded in my head. I'd never forget it. I had caused someone heartbreak.

"Why?"

It pounded, coursing and angry. Loud and dismayed. I couldn't get rid of it. There was much I couldn't do. It I could have, I would have ran to Leah and told her.

But I couldn't. Not yet.

Once Seth had become like me, maybe Leah could understand. He hadn't yet. It could take a while... probably three or more years.

With my new life, it was frustrating. There was nothing definite. There was nothing to control.

There were points when I I'd be able to control my werewolf side, but they quickly dissolved.

Days later after I'd broken her heart, I saw Leah walking along the beach. She sang a song only we had sang together, her voice slow and mournful.

"Why don't you sing?" I remember asking her in the good days.

She laughed at the idea constantly, her laughter melodious and lifting, flying through the air.

"I can't! Yet if I could, I'd sing out my heart to you!' she responded.

I started to sing a slow song to her. A Quileute duet, sung only when people were in love. All children were taught it from the time they were very young.

I took Leah in my arms as we started to dance. We swayed back and forth, my head near her ear whispering the words. Then she started to sing. Her voice was a little off, a little flat. But mine was sharp, a little higher than it should have been. Together, it made the song right.

I looked her in the eye then as we finished. I thought I was in love with her, deeply and truly.

"I love you." I said.

She grabbed me and kissed me.

We kissed passionately. I could feel her. It was as if time stopped. I wish it had. If we were frozen in the moment, all of the complications wouldn't have come. I found myself asking Leah's question.

"Why?"

It seemed I'd never get the answer.

In the present, as I watched Leah, I felt remorse. She was making a sandcastle. It seemed so childish, so foolish, and at the same time it was beautiful. It was her way of grieving. I watched as she grew frustrated. Then she angrily smashed the sandcastle, breaking down into tears. She sat on the sand, looking out at the ocean. Her arms her wrapped tightly around her legs as she sat, her face buried into them sobbing.

I wanted to tell her. I wanted to so much. I just couldn't. I came forward from where I was watching.

"Leah." I whispered.

She didn't look up.

"Leah." I said, louder.

I heard her voice, cold and hard. Bitter with anger.

"What do you want now? How much more do you have to hurt me?" she sneered.

I came closer and wrapped my arms around her. She shook out of the embrace.

"You can't just do that!" she cried. "You can't just come back and pretend it's better! Because it's not. It never will be. I know it, you know it, Emily knows it! Just go away. Please."

I was speechless, stunned. The hug was ment as a comfort, not romance. But she had felt it that way even though she didn't want to.

"I want us to be friends. Only friends." I said lamely.

"They all say that. It's in the books, the movies, the songs. It's cliché." Leah retorted. "I'd rather hate you for the rest of my life. It'd make me feel better."

I laughed at this in trying to lighten the mood, but her icy glare silenced my laugh.

"What is funny about this? It's your damn fault!" she screamed.

Leah stormed off. She ran faster than me. I couldn't catch her, not in the form I was in. I wasn't about to change either.

"Leah, I do love you..." I called.

"No!" she shouted back. "No, you don't!"

She slowed and started to cry. She sat on the ground, sobbing hysterically.

I ran to her.

"I do love you. Just not like I did before." I said.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I have to move on. Go be with Emily." she whispered. "Please go. Just go."

I backed away slowly.

"Go!" she said, louder. "Go! Leave me alone!"

I ran off. I could still hear her sobs in my head and that "why." I knew they'd never leave.

As I ran back to the reservation, I found Emily.

"Sam." she started. I grabbed her, locking her into an embrace.

"What's this? What's wrong?" she asked.

"Leah. It's Leah." I gasped out.

"Oh." was Emily's quiet response.

Emily was so quiet. She was sensible too. To sum it up, she was everything Leah wasn't. They were both so different.

"She doesn't... I don't know how I can say it..."

"She loved you. Don't expect her to take this easy." Emily replied sensibly. "I mean, this is her love of her life going with her best friend. I wouldn't take it easy either."

I looked at Emily. Her eyes were so kind.

"When did you fall in love with me?" I asked.

Emily contemplated this.

"When I saw you." she murmured. "When did you love me?"

"When I saw you, I knew I wanted to be with you. I just couldn't break it off with Leah."

Emily closed her eyes. This ordeal was hurting her too.

"I just don't know what I can do. I don't want to her to be hurt anymore than she already is!"

I took her hand and kissed her. She kissed me back, soft and light. I was floating. We were together... the only people in the world. If only that was so.

I heard a quiet gasp from behind us. I looked up, as did Emily. Leah was standing there, watching us with a hurt and confused look on her face. Her eyes, already red, filled with more tears.

"Leah, wait!" Emily called.

But Leah was gone, running away so fast that no one could catch her.


	3. Revealed

CHAPTER THREE (Emily)

I had hurt my best friend. And what was it for? It was for love. I had come down in anticipation of seeing her and her boyfriend. Instead, I ended up stealing him.

Sam Uley was his name. Sam was tall and breathtaking. I could see why Leah loved him. But when I saw him, I felt love in my heart. It was uncontrollable. It was love at first sight. You probably think a phenomenon like that never happens, or has a 1% chance of happening. I did too.

Yet it did. Love at first sight happened to me.

The feeling is a rush... a passion... a genuine _desire_. I tried to fight it. I really did. I wanted to fight for Leah, for the friendship we'd had all these years, the sights we'd seen. Sam was someone I had just met. I couldn't think about him this way yet? Could I?

But I was. I had. It would hurt Leah. She and Sam were so close... She loved him even before they began to date two years ago. And oh, it hurt. It hurt me to be hurting her. Love hurts!

And Leah knew. I could see it in her eyes. But she denied it. She denied what she could see. Her glance was full of emptiness. As if she could hold on to the past. As if nothing was changing or going to change. She treated him no differently even though he tried to distance himself.

I felt guilty. Guilty that I was jealous of my best friend and that I loved her boyfriend and he loved me back. The guilt was overwhelming. And I tried to fight. I tried my hardest.

Though Leah wasn't watching, Sam would pay extra attention to me. He'd find me whenever I was by myself, no coincidently. And he'd take me to the woods, showing me all that there was to know about them.

Confused my Sam's sudden change of mind, I knew there had to be a reason for all of this. Leah had sworn Sam and her had been in love. She had even been planning a wedding!

"You'll be my maid of honor." she promised me.

We scanned wedding dresses in shops and catalogs. Who knew what could happen?

For me it was all 'would.' What would I do?

As I saw Leah crying and running off as I kissed Sam, I felt as hurt as her, just in a different way.

It was a new emotion I was feeling. I was feeling less sensible. More romantic. The only thing I knew was that I wanted Sam. I wanted him so badly. Everything about him made my senses sharper. I traced the curve of his jaw with my eyes and drifted over to him.

Sam's eyes were always full of concentration. They were focused. They were an open book. I could always see his emotions. I knew what he was thinking and feeling just through his eyes. For a moment, I forgot what had just transpired.

"I have to talk to her!" I told him.

"You can," Sam replied. "She's upset. When Leah's upset, she'll do and say things that will only hurt the both of you. Don't go now. Wait and then talk to her."

I closed my eyes, imagining the scene I'd have with Leah. She's probably curse and cry and throw things. Or maybe she'd just be silent. Her thoughts projecting to me by her body language and actions. I knew her so well the silence would be just as loud as her words. Though somehow the second would be much worse with Leah.

"You're probably right." I murmured. "I just don't know what to do!"

My eyes filled with tears. Pathetic tears. I couldn't believe I was crying. I had just hurt my best friend beyond measure. She was the one with the right to cry.

"Shh." Sam whispered in my ear, his warm breath tickling it. "It will be fine. You'll be fine. It'll all get better. It'll just take time."

I looked him in the eyes.

"Why do you love me?" I asked.

Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I can't tell you yet. Not yet." he replied.

I was afraid of his hesitancy, but at the same time mystified. I was in love with a man who had a secret. It was romantic, like all of the novels I had read and hid from my mother. In the end of each of them, the heroine ends with her prince or lover or thief. But was I the heroine to this story? No... more like the villianess who splits up the lovers who are meant to be.

"When?" I asked quietly, needing logic to explain the feelings to me. "I want to know. You can trust me... I... I love you."

Sam held my hand and we walked on one of the forested trails. He stopped abruptly as we entered deeper into the woods.

"I can't Emily." he muttered. "I can't."

I grabbed him and kissed him. It was a desperate kiss. I felt the longing and secrecy.

"Tell me! Tell me please. Show me! I will always love you! No matter what you are or what you do."

I saw tension in his jaw. His eyes glinted.

"I can't! Just... let me be! I can't tell you! I can't loose control! I need to be in control! This whole thing... I can't do this! I can't love you! I wish you hadn't come. I wish this had never happened!" He yelled at me.

He pulled from our embrace angrily. His words hit me.

"You wish I had never come?" I shouted. "Maybe I wish I had never met you! How do you think I feel? You act as though it's only you. You've hurt Leah and now you can't do anything. Well, what about me? I've hurt my best friend. I can't talk to her because she won't talk to me. I admit that it's my fault. I apologize for everything. I'm sorry I love you, alright? Maybe I'm just too infatuated and this is all a phase. It's just one big joke and I'll wake up and realize nothing was real."

I felt the tears fall down my cheeks. Sam stood there in pain and fury.

"You don't understand anything! You don't understand Leah and you don't understand me!"

As he uttered the last words, suddenly Sam started to change. He was growing larger and with fur, like that of a wolf's. His clothes flew off and before me was a wolf large as a horse.

His body was heavily muscled with dark fur. His eyes were still Sam's, but they showed more power and less control. Sam was a werewolf. The Quileute legends I had heard so many years ago... they were true and real.

It was nearly incomprehensible... This really was Sam?

The creature, Sam, growled. It was a low hollow sound. Then he lunged at me.

I screamed as the paw slid along my face. The pain was agonizing. I felt blood dribble into my eyes, down my face. There would be a scar and it would never heal. I cried, tears flowing down my cheeks and mixing with the blood.

Sam stood before me. He was human again.

"Emily, I'm so sorry!"

The wound bled profusely. My vision was blurry.

"What is this?" I asked, hysterically.

"I am what you saw. The legends are true. I've become this thing. This creature. I can turn to a wolf. My senses are sharper, my strength is immense. I heal quickly too. But I lost control. I'm so sorry."

Tears streamed down his face too. Guilt clouded his eyes as he looked at me.

"I-" I began, but before I knew it, I'd fallen and all was dark.

I woke up in the hospital, bandage wrapped across my face. Familiar faces lined the hospital room... Sam, Aunt Sue and Uncle Harry, Seth, Officer Swan, seemingly everyone but Leah.

"Oh honey, you're awake!" Aunt Sue cried, coming beside the hospital bed. "You survived quite an attack!"

"What?" I asked groggily. "All I remember was a dark flash of fur... it was as large as a horse... bigger event. His paw... across my face..."

"Charlie, you really need to find that grizzly before it mauls another unsuspecting person!" Uncle Harry said with anger in his voice.

"Grizzly... what grizzly?" I asked, confused.

"The one that attacked you... thank goodness Sam found you! He said he saw a glimpse of it running away. You were unconscious." Aunt Sue told me.

"She's gonna be alright, right Mom?" Seth asked in the background.

"Of course, son." Harry said.

I smiled... but it was more bittersweet. Of course I'd be alright, mangled but not broken like Leah.

The nurse came in and shooed everyone away.

"She needs some rest so she'll be able to get out of here!" she told them sternly.

"Call us if you need anything at all!" Sue called as they left.

"You have a nice family," the nurse said, making conversation. "That's some wound. You're lucky to be alive."

"Yes..." I responded. "I don't remember much. In fact, I don't remember it at all..."

The nurse looked at me sympathetically. "Maybe it's better that way."

She left after fixing my IV. I laid in the bed, just thinking. There was no grizzly. It was Sam. Sam was a werewolf. This wasn't a bear attack. It was him. He mauled me. He told me he wished he hadn't met me. We had argued... then... he turned into a wolf. I closed my eyes.

I heard footsteps come in softly. I opened my eyes slowly.

"Emily?"

Sam, it was him. His voice was tentative.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice a strangled sound. "How can you forgive me? I... I've ruined everything for you. I'm sorry. So sorry."

I heard him choke back tears.

"I'll go if you want me to. I'll leave. Hell, I'll throw myself into a bus if you want it. I'll do anything you want, Emily. Anything." he continued.

"I don't want you to die because of me." I whispered.

He took my hand.

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

It was silent. A million thoughts ran through my head. He was a werewolf. Sam Uley was a werewolf. He had mauled me. He had hurt me. But I loved him.

"Yes." I whispered. "Yes! I - I love you. I'll always love you!"

Before I knew it, I was screaming out the words. I knew I wanted him, even like he was. I loved him with all my heart. My voice cried out in happiness. I blinked back tears. Tears of happiness.

He leaned down and kissed me. I threw my hands around his neck and let go of my guilt. Sam loved me! He loved me! And me? I truly loved him.

I came home a week later. My face had started to heal and I no longer needed a bandage. I simply had to apply medication each night so it wouldn't become infected.

"You're a lucky girl." the doctor told me.

But remembering Leah, I knew I was far from it.

Once back at the Clearwater's home, I found Leah in her room. She hadn't visited me in the hospital. I was suprised by that... mostly disappointed. But I understood why. I understood how much I'd hurt her.

I knocked lightly on the door even though music was blaring. It was depressing music. Not happy and folksy like what she usually listened to.

"Come in." called a bitter voice.

I walked in the room. Leah was on her bed, looking at her ceiling fan. Beside her were several tissues and band aids.

"Leah, what are you doing?" I asked, looking at her arms. Little red marks were adorning her wrists.

I grabbed her hand.

"Stop!" she yelled, pulling down her sleeve.

"Leah, I'm sorry it had to be this way."

"I'm sorry too Emily. It's really bitchy to come to visit your best friend and then steal her boyfriend." Leah replied angrily.

"I want to talk about what happened in the woods."

"Yeah... I don't really care."

I breathed deep. She was upset. She didn't mean it. This would all be alright eventually. Inhale, exhale.

"You're going to have a nasty looking scar." she said surveying me.

"Yeah... I guess," I said. "What's with the music? The cutting?"

"Oh, the music's Seth's. Mom doesn't really like him listening to it though, but you know teenage boys. And the cutting? It's kind of obvious, Emily." Leah rolled her eyes.

"Can we talk?"

"We've been doing that."

"No, I mean about Sam and stuff."

"No. In fact, I don't know why I've been talking to you. Can you just go? It'd make my life and yours so much easier. Go marry Sam. I don't care. I don't give a damn about anything anymore. If I die, don't bother going to my funeral. You'll probably have a very happy family and maybe you'll name one of your kids after me for guilt's sake! But don't bother. Don't bother at all. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to interact with you. I want you to go away and get out of my life!"

At that, Leah slammed the door and pushed me out. She cranked the volume higher.

I sighed.

There was no winning. Only the fact that Leah hated me and there was nothing I could do even if I tried.


	4. Went

CHAPTER FOUR (Leah)

Being bitter made me feel better. It made me feel good. I had just yelled at my best friend, my kin. Sometimes I forgot we were cousins. The bond used to be, and used to feel, so much stronger.

I couldn't believe I cut myself. I never imagined I would ever do that.

It was like they said in movies and stuff, it helped a little. It made me numb. It took away my pain for a little while. Still, I was hollow and broken inside.

Had I become emo?

That made me laugh. Being emo had always seemed like a joke thing. Who knew I'd go that way?

I was listening to Seth's music. Mom had always told him to pitch that crap. But there are secrets we siblings keep for each other, kind of like my cutting. Of course he knew, but our parents didn't. Not like it would matter anyway. The only important thing was Emily. Emily and her scar. Emily and the attack. Emily, Emily, Emily.

I heard a knock at the door.

"Go away Emily!" I called. "I don't want to talk to you. Didn't you understand that the last time?"

Dad opened the door.

"Leah, what's this music?"

Uh-oh.

"Whose cd is this? It sounds like the one your mother told Seth to get rid of..." Dad started.

I turned off the cd player, refusing to meet Dad's eyes.

"I uh, found it. in, uh..." I couldn't make an excuse.

"I'll talk to Seth about it..." Dad muttered.

"What'd you want to talk about?" I asked sarcastically.

Dad sat beside me on my bed.

"I just saw Emily rush out of the house. She was crying..."

"Great."

"Leah, what happened between you two?"

"She stole Sam away from me, Dad. She stole my boyfriend! She was supposed to be my best friend." I exclaimed angrily.

"There's a reason, Leah. And a good one at that."

"What reason could there be? And there's no good reason for this happening to me! None at all!"

Dad sighed.

"But there is, Leah. Really, truly there is. I'd never lie to you, you know that."

"Well, Dad," I spitted out bitterly. "Sam told me he'd never lie to me either. And he has! He did. He said he loved me. He promised me. He..."

My face crumpled and I started to cry once more. Dad put his arms around me, rocking me back and forth as he did when I was a child.

"I gave him everything, Dad!" I cried.

"I know Lee-Lee... I know." he said.

"I'll never get better from this. I'll hate them forever."

"No, Leah. You'll heal. I know you will. You're strong. You'll survive this. I know you will. And one day, you'll know why this happened. I just can't explain it now. But you'll know someday."

I stared at Dad with a mixture of anger and confusion.

"That's what Sam told me and you know, I don't think I'll ever understand. Never."

I stood up and walked out the door.

"Leah!" Dad called. "Come back!"

"No, Dad!" I yelled back at him. "I can't. I can't do this."

I left the house and went walking. I don't know where I went, but somehow I made it to Jacob Black's house. The kid was outside, working. Jake did a lot of work, his dad being in a wheelchair and having diabetes. This time Jake was fixing his car. His father, Billy Black, was a character, I'll tell you that. I sometimes forgot he even needed a wheelchair, he was so full of life.

"Hey," Jacob said, looking up from his work. His hands were covered in dark grease. "What's wrong?"

I shrugged. I didn't feel like talking about it.

"Don't want to talk?" he asked.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"I know that feeling." he replied. "So... I heard about Sam."

"That's talking about it. I said I don't want to." I growled.

"Sorry. But you have to let go sometime. People change." he said awkwardly.

I just sighed and closed my eyes.

"That's what my dad says too but whatever... how are your sisters?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Fine."

"Cool."

That was how it went. One word responses with a few questions. Jake wasn't one to talk that much. He listened.

"Did you see Emily?" I asked.

"Yes, it's pretty bad. Isn't it?" he asked.

"Yeah. It's gonna be one hell of a scar."

"So, have you heard anything about Charlie Swan's daughter?" Jacob asked to fill the silence that had quickly surrounded us.

"No...?"

Charlie Swan was Billy's best friend and the police chief. Jacob and Bella, Chief Swan's daughter, had been friends. Not really a close friendship because of Chief Swan's divorce. His wife, Renee, left Forks and went to Arizona then got re-married. It really devastated Charlie. I don't think he ever got over it. As for his daughter, she doesn't visit much. Not at all, really. I think I might've met her once. But I wasn't sure.

"Yeah, Charlie was going to visit her soon. But with all that's been happening... with Emily and stuff." He paused and looked at me sympathetically. "Sorry... Anyway, I haven't seen her for what... three years? She's probably a lot different."

I rolled my eyes.

"Duh. Like you said, people change."

"Gee, you're so bitter Leah!" Jake laughed.

"Bitterness is not really a laughing matter. Let's go back to Charlie's daughter."

"She's 16, I think."

"And you're just little Jacob... Fifteen and innocent of the ways of the world."

"Ha, ha. Very funny. Can you pass me the wrench?" he asked, rolling his eyes and blushing slightly.

I handed him the wrench.

"Well..." I started.

There was another awkward silence.

"So, I guess we'll see her soon." I finished lamely.

It was awkward and I figured it was time to go.

"Thanks for talking Jake." I said, turning.

"No problem!" he yelled back as he started to fully examine the car and slid underneath it. I'd been distracting him from work with all of my problems. Great.

I walked back home. No one really needed me. I was too much of a nuisance.

Life certainly dealt me bad cards.


	5. Passing

CHAPTER FIVE (Sam)

I had mauled her.

I mauled Emily! Her perfect face, now disfigured on one side. She'd have scars there. I couldn't believe myself. Why was this happening? It wasn't fair. I wrestled with my thoughts, with what I could do and what was fate.

Was it fate that Leah was plunging into a bitter depression? Could mauling Emily have been prevented?

I couldn't believe what I had said to her. All the anger... I regretted it the moment it escaped my lips.

But she loved me. She knew and still loved me. I would never forget sitting in the hospital with Emily, bandage across her face, as she told me she loved me. It was exhilarating as I accepted the fact that the imprinting wasn't in vain. Yet, my thoughts quickly diverted to Leah.

"She'll be okay." Emily told me, after seeing Leah.

But there was a hesitant tone to her voice and her eyes were red.

Leah wasn't okay. I didn't know if she would ever be okay. I had to find out how to fix things. They could be fixed, right?

I talked to her brother, Seth.

"Hey Sam!" he said, greeting me. "Leah's not too good."

I nodded, my expression grim.

"How did you know that I'd ask?"

Seth shrugged.

"It's what they always do. They break up, the guy realizes the girl is in deep depression and feels guilty. It's the oldest thing in the book! As old as the Quileute legends!" Seth replied. "Well, maybe not _that_ old."

I laughed darkly.

"Well, just check up on her and make sure she doesn't do anything dumb." I said.

Seth shook his head.

"It's too late for that now. Leah's always been kinda dumb. She gets herself into all these moods and well, it's complicated. Feel lucky to be an only child. In fact, Leah stole my music too and started blasting it in her room! Then my mom got really mad. And guess who got in trouble?"

I rolled my eyes.

"You." I replied dryly.

"Well of course!"

I shook my head.

"How old are you again?" I asked.

"Thirteen. Nearly fourteen. I'll be fourteen very soon actually."

"You're so innocent and carefree." I said dryly.

Seth didn't seem to appreciate my statement, but he made no comment.

"Well, I'll try to look out for Leah. But I don't know how this will end up... She's scary when she's angry! And I know for a fact she holds grudges. I mean, hey! She's still mad at me for things from eight freaking years ago! Though I promise I'll tell you about her... condition from time to time." he said.

I turned to go.

"But Sam," Seth started. "Whatever you do with Emily, be careful. Leah's kind of obsessive too..."

"I know, Seth."

I knew all too well.

I had to be careful. No, there was no point. It was a lose-lose situation. No hope for Leah and me and Emily. She was bound to be a pathetic ex-girlfriend. Someone I wouldn't be able to detach myself from even if I tried.

But even with that truth, why did I feel guilty? I loved Emily, but I did love Leah. I still loved Leah. It was as if there were only two ways, with no middle ground. I closed my eyes.

I would go somewhere and be with all of those who I loved. I'd become a wolf and not be feared. Leah wouldn't hate me. My fantasy world was safer and better than the one I dwelt in. I could hear the drums of the Quileute and see the dances our ancestors performed. I could see the leaders, tall and strong. Proud to be wolves. They were proud to be able to change and possess the powers.

Then, abruptly, the world of my own would fade away leaving me as I was to begin with.

I spent a lot of time with Emily and at the beach. The waves were calm and peaceful. Tranquility was the definition of the beach. Weeks flew by, turning into months. It was nearly winter before I knew it.

And there was nothing I could do.


	6. Hate

CHAPTER SIX (Emily)

It was late December and Leah was still bitter.

She had been in lethargy for months now. She'd go to school and come home and stare out the window. Sometimes she'd see Jacob Black, but it became less frequent. She'd often walk on the beach too. Her parents noticed the difference. It was impossible not too. Harry and Sue tried to be caring, but Leah turned them away like everyone else. Even Seth couldn't reach her.

I constantly told Sam, "She'll be fine."

I tried to be supportive. But now I was doubting myself.

Leah _wasn't_ fine. She was far from it. I knew this was out of my hands. It was a hard truth, it stung me. And I knew there was nothing I could do after Sam proposed.

"Emily, will you marry me?" he asked, revealing a glittering diamond ring.

We were walking along the beach, like we usually did that day.

I forgot about Leah when I squealed, "Yes Sam! Oh yes!"

Then, stupidly enough, I decided to talk to her about it!

"Leah," I started.

"Yeah?" she replied sarcastically.

That was Leah, sarcastic as ever. It was her way to deal. She was shutting out everyone, only acknowledging them for minutes at a time.

"I thought I should tell you first..."

"Let me guess, you're pregnant?"

I sighed.

"_No_, Leah." I said. If it hadn't been such a horrible situation, it would've been funny. "It's this: Sam proposed to me."

"To get married, right?"

"Yeah."

There was a silence between us. I saw Leah break down. She didn't cry, but the look in her eyes showed me every emotion she had contained. Her hope of getting back together was shattered. She realized that going back with Sam was impossible.

"I was wondering, will you be a bridesmaid?"

There was no response. Leah was just staring off into space.

"Leah?" I whispered. "I'm sorry. That was out of line. I understand. Completely. You don't have to be involved with me anymore. I'll just go. Alright?"

It was awkward as I turned around, not knowing what to do. Usually I was good at these kinds of things. Except the difference was that this time, it was my best friend.

"Fine." I heard her whisper before I left the room. "I'll be a bridesmaid at your goddamn wedding."

Her response was barely audible.

"You don't want to. I understand. Don't try to please me if you don't want to!" I exclaimed, defensively.

"No. I will. It's fine. I will. I'll go and be merry and have a wonderful time watching you two tie the knot. Maybe I'll even meet someone." she replied sarcastically.

I sighed and walked out of the room.

From the door, I could hear Leah sobbing and the sound of something breaking.

I wanted to go inside and apologize for what fate had done. I wanted it to be how it was since we were kids. It was so much easier then. Yet, in my heart, I knew our friendship would never be the same.

I found Sam.

"How did it go?" he asked.

I sighed deeply.

"Not so well."

"What happened?"

"She'll be a bridesmaid. I guess that's good enough. But she's angry. And I know it. She... This is too fast."

Sam squeezed my hand.

"It's December. It's been months, Emily. Now it's Leah. If she's bitter forever, it will be her problem. There's only so much you can do, Emily. You're just being too kind. She doesn't deserve it."

"Wait," I replied. "Aren't you the one who always complains about feeling guilty? Who always wants to change something?"

"I learned that I can only have so much hope." Sam whispered.

He kissed my forehead.

"Now about the wedding, when do you think we should have it?" I asked hesitantly. I was excited but at the same time, I dreaded it all.

"Maybe a year or so." Sam replied.

I nodded.

That sounded good. Maybe Leah would be better by then.

"Leah should be better then." Sam said.

"Funny, that's what I thought!" I laughed.

"Yes, we think alike now." he chuckled.

He kissed my forehead and left to do some work with Mr. Clearwater. As he walked away I sat down and just thought.

I had been doing a lot of thinking recently. There was so much to comprehend. But it was all so complicated. I wrestled with my own thoughts.

I knew I loved Sam. That was absolute. But I loved Leah too. Leah was my cousin, 2nd cousin, but best friend. We'd been close since we were kids. Why did this have to happen?

Why are there moments in life that change everything? Moments of truth sucked.

I sighed deeply.

I'd been doing a lot of sighing.

What was happening to me?

I closed my eyes.

I'd just have to deal with this.

No matter how long it took, I'd just have to deal.


	7. Depression

CHAPTER SEVEN (Leah)

A/N: Sorry for how ridiculously short this is! ): Even during editing, I couldn't think of ways to lengthen it.

* * *

I was spending more time by myself. I didn't even talk to Jacob.

I was sinking deeper and deeper into a depression.

Every time I saw anything remotely associated with them, all of my memories came pushing back. I could only build a little wall. Even if my wall was thick and huge, I'd still think of them.

I avoided everything: from my dad, to my brother, my mom, and even simple decisions.

I was miserable.

I could see that Emily and Sam talked about me.

"I don't know what to do! I want to do something! This is serious! She's slipping away!" Emily would tell Sam.

He'd comfort her and tell her that he'd think of something.

My parents were worried. I was bitter. Seth didn't talk to me or tease me like he used to.

I guess they were walking on eggshells by me.

I knew my mom and dad were concerned. I didn't want them to be. I wanted to handle it by myself. Depression felt good. At least it was a way out from what I was feeling. Just moping around, shouting bitter remarks, and sleeping helped. It took away a little of the pain. Then there was the cutting. A little here, little there. Anything to stop the mental pain.

I slept a lot. Sleeping was an escape too. As soon as I fell asleep, I'd dream

I dreamed of the days before Emily succumbed to Sam. I dreamed of when he and I were happy and he said he loved me. When I woke up, I felt more depressed. Yet, sometimes I'd dream of terrible things I could do.

I hated them. At least I felt that way sometimes. I couldn't decide. A part of me remembered how it was and wanted to go back. But you can never stop the clock and take it back.

Emily tried to talk to me.

"Leah, can't we talk?" she'd always say.

But seeing her made me see the pain I so wanted to forget. I'd say something bitter like, "go away" or even worse. I probably hurt Emily, but I didn't care. It wasn't fair to me. _She_ should suffer. _She_ should see how it feels to have someone you love change in a day. _She_ should see how it feels to see someone you love fall for another and... It was all what she should see. But she wouldn't. They were getting married. And I was going to be a bridesmaid.

There was nothing I could do.

It was the cold, hard truth.

The truth hurts they say. But the truth doesn't hurt as much as a broken heart.

I started listening to moody songs. Another solace.

I wanted to fly away from myself. I wanted to feel only a solid euphoria and drift along time. Going back and not coming forward. Or maybe changing the future.

Yet, there are no time machines and nothing I could to change the inevitable.


	8. Confrontation

CHAPTER EIGHT (Sam)

I was a jerk. A confused and lost jerk who had no idea what to do.

Yes, the truth hit me as I fished with Mr. Clearwater.

"So Sam, how are you doing?" He asked me.

"Alright, sir." I replied. "Could be better, but could be a lot worse."

A voice in my head screamed, 'Liar!'

Mr. Clearwater shook his head and smiled. "That's how it is most of the time, isn't it, son?"

I laughed darkly.

"You couldn't begin to guess how it is."

He looked me in the eye.

"Sam, I think I could. I know all about it. You imprinted, didn't you?"

I turned away. How could I admit something this personal to Leah's dad? How could I talk to him without feeling a bit guilty over her? But he deserved an answer. Harry Clearwater wasn't a bad man. In fact, he was one of the good people at La Push.

"Yes, Mr. Clearwater. I did. And I'm not sorry for it. Honestly I'm not. I love Emily. I love Leah. I just... I love her differently, is all."

Mr. Clearwater stared at the lake. I immediately regretted my choice in words.

"I'm sorry, sir." I said. "That was out of line."

"No, Sam," he said quietly. "I don't blame you. It's a hard thing. I can't say I know how it feels because I don't. But I know you'll get through this and so will Leah."

"How is she?"

Mr. Clearwater was silent, as if he was trying to find the right words.

"She's..." he trailed off.

"Please tell me. I need to know... I have to know. I have to help her. I really do."

He faced me, his eyes clouded over in the way of a person so sad they didn't know what to do. Like me. And Emily.

"She's been - Leah's not doing well at all. She won't talk to anyone, not even Jacob. And they're good friends, you know. She hardly eats and she's always up at night, even later than Sue and I. She wanders down to the beach all the time, just watching the waves. She listens to that awful... what to you call it? Oh, emo. Emo music." he stopped talking, like he had said too much. "She's almost a living corpse. It destroys me a little each time I see her."

"So.. you can't get in either?"

"She's shutting everyone out, Sam."

"Is there anything I _can_ do?"

Mr. Clearwater put his hand on my shoulder.

"Sam, you've already done enough. You've tried your hardest. This is something that you and me will never understand. I don't even know if Leah understands her emotions herself. I try to talk to her everyday, even a little bit. I ask her mundane things... like if she wants to see that new movie about the talking hamster or wants to see the weird emo band in concert. She usually responds in one word answers... but hey. That's better than nothing. Her heart is shattered and it's going to take awhile to heal."

"But can I try to fix her? Try to show her I really love her? That she can live and find someone?"

"Sam, what's fixed will always be broken," he said wistfully. "Yet maybe Leah isn't broken after all."

There's silence after that and then his rod bobs.

"Looks like I got a catch!" he said, grinning.

Mr. Clearwater caught a trout.

"A fiesty one, this is!" he said, holding it up. "Rainbow trout... hard to catch. But all the worth it. This'll make a fine meal. Sometimes you just have to give things time. This certainly took awhile. But see, it's all worth it! What a fine meal this'll make!"

"So," I began, smirking. "You reccommend I lure Leah in and then eat her? Going with the whole fish thing?"

He looked at me in a confused state for a bit and I was about to apologize and say it was a joke. But before I knew it, he was laughing!

"Ah son!" he chortled. "Leah would be a very bitter fish indeed!"

He clapped me on the back as I started to laugh, a real laugh. I hadn't laughed in months.

"But really Sam, you've got to give things time. Lure her in bit by bit. Be patient. It'll be be worth it... and you'll get a damn fine meal!" he winked.

I smiled. "Thanks Mr. Clearwater."

He shook his head.

"No more 'Mr. Clearwater' nonsense! You need to call me Harry! Hell, you dated my daughter for quite sometime and you were nearly family even before it!"

"Thanks Mr. Clear - er, _Harry_." I said.

"No problem, Sam. If you ever want to talk again, just tell me. I could use a day of fishing anytime!"

After talking to Harry, I knew I wanted to do something. Leah _was_ the elusive trout! She needed patience. But I didn't have patience. And then there was Emily. As the next few days played out, I found that Emily and I were speaking less and less. Finally, I confronted her.

"Emily, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing!" she responded, plastering a fake smile on her face. "I'm fine."

"You're not." I replied adamantly.

Emily sighed.

"It's my fault."

"What is?"

"This whole thing! It's my fault! I should have resisted your imprint!"

"But Emily, fighting an imprint is unheard of. It might even be impossible."

"But I had a choice. That's what's clear! I had a choice!"

Then she burst into tears.

I was stunned.

Emily was feeling guilty for something she couldn't stop. Technically I guess she could resist an imprint, but that would be such a rare thing.

I embraced her as she cried, soothing her, trying to remember what Harry had said.

"What do we do?" she whispered.

I shook my head.

"I don't know. Honestly, I don't. When I talked to Mr. Clearwater, he told me that Leah needed time and patience and concern. I just think we have to do our best. We have to be empathetic without overstepping our limits."

I applied Mr. Clearwater's ideas and my advice to Emily as I found myself walking to her house.

"What do you want?" Leah asked bitterly.

"To talk." I replied. That was true. I did want to talk.

"Fine. I'll talk. But I'll warn you now, I'll leave any time I want. And you won't stop me, promise?"

"Yeah, sure." I replied. Anything to talk with Leah about this.

_Don't hit a nerve_, I reminded myself.

"So, what do you want to talk about? I'm feeling nice. Let's talk before I don't feel nice anymore."

"Let's talk about... music. What music have you been listening to?"

Leah rolled her eyes.

"Did my dad put you up to this?"

"No!" I said quickly.

She gave me a doubtful look.

"Flyleaf. It's loud. Really loud. It's metal."

She turned on her stereo and the music poured out. It was loud.

"Aren't they a Christian band?" I asked.

"I don't know." Leah replied flippantly. "They're loud so they're good enough for me."

"So..." I began, filling the awkward silence surrounding us. "Do you want to see a movie?"

Leah stared at me, glaring.

"Cut the shit, Sam. I dated for more than a year, I know when there's something up. It's Emily isn't it. Don't lie."

"Okay... if you want to be that way, yes. It's about Emily."

"It's _always _about Emily!" she exclaimed sarcastically.

"Yeah. I guess it is." I admitted.

"I know, you want to talk about what happened. It's _over_. I'm bitter and it's never going to change. I'll come to the damn wedding, but after that, I'll forget you. I'll move! I won't have to see this anymore. You can forget me. You and Emily can just live your happy lives without any thought of Leah Clearwater! Okay?" Leah practically growled.

She stood up.

"I'm done talking because it will never work! Do you know how I feel every time I look at you or Emily?"

"No." I whispered.

"Lousy! I want to die every time I see it! It's killing me! It really is!"

She ran off.

"Leah, come back!" I yelled.

"You promised! I'm done talking!" she yelled back.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

I didn't want to give up, I wanted to take Harry Clearwater's advice, but what option was I given? Maybe Harry didn't know his daughter as well as he thought. How could I ever be patient enough to let things fix themselves? How could I wait for Leah to be better when there was Emily? Emily, who I was going to marry. Emily, who was drifting away from me. I was going to give up. There was no more time... for any of us.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I realize this chapter is a bit cheesy... okay, maybe a lot. But I still love it. Yeah, I know Sam kinda seems like a jerk (or maybe a loser who doesn't know anything) and Leah's a bit of a bitch. Yet, I swear I'll go somewhere with this! Just not sure where. Hope you enjoyed Harry Clearwater. I really like him as a character. Also, as I was reading, I realize that it's December. So... they're er- ice fishing, haha. (: Please review any thoughts!


	9. Help

CHAPTER NINE (Emily)  
A/N: I hate to start this chapter with an author's note, but I feel it is needed. As you have known, this story has been collecting dust for about a year or so. If you have read recently, I have updated this story and edited it to have more relevant content that goes with the books (The Twilight Guide was a great help as was Twilight Lexicon and my friend, Everything'sPeachy, you should read some of her stuff if you have the time!). If you haven't read Clear Water 'remastered' (ie: Chapters 1-8), I strongly suggest you read them so you know what's going on since I have made some drastic plot changes. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter, a lot of it is fluff due to some writer's block and a needed change of mood (I can't just write depressing stuff for each chapter)! Haha. Also, please review what you think of Clear Water with it's remastering.

* * *

I was moving away from Sam. I admitted it. As soon as I started to adjust to the idea he was a werewolf and Leah was going to hate me, he proposed. I was beginning to have second thoughts. And that's what killed me the most.

Was I wrong to accept his proposal? I loved Sam, I did. But now that I had said 'yes,' I was suddenly thinking 'no.' Whatever was wrong with me? So I started to drift away from him. Subtly at first, but then more drastic as December progressed. Before I knew it, it was Christmas week.  
I already imagined a mistletoe fiasco. Christmas was going to be lonely for Leah. And maybe lonely for me. Maybe I needed to break up with Sam. Break the engagement and just go away until all was better and more were healed. Maybe that's what I needed.

I went into Port Angeles after talking with Sam. He had decided to talk to Leah. We both knew it was best. I decided to try to get my mind off things and look for gifts. Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue deserved something after all they'd been through. And now they were housing me. I'd never met such generous people. I'd get a gift for Seth too. Maybe some better music than what Aunt Sue confiscated. And Leah? What would I get for her? Would it be too obvious and over obtrusive to get her a gift? Would she just be angry at me? And then Sam... what would I get him?

I contemplated my dilemma as I entered an old antique store. On a shelf behind the counter was an old plate with a unique design. It seemed to be rainbow trout along the border and wolves in the center. For some odd reason, I was drawn to it.

"Excuse me?" I asked the man at the counter.

"Yes?"

"How much is that plate? The one with the rainbow trout?"

"Usually it's priced around $125, but since it's Christmas we've lowered the price. $75.99, and quite a bargain at that!"

I debated purchasing the plate. It was lovely, really it was. But $76 was a little much. Yet, it seemed worth it.

"Alright, I'll buy it!" I told the man.

He took my money and carefully wrapped the plate so it wouldn't break.

"An excellent purchase, ma'am," he said, smiling at me. "Who is this gift going to be for?"

"I'm not sure," I said honestly.

He laughed. "Well, it will certainly be quite a gift for whoever you decide to give it to!"

I continued my shopping. I stopped by La Bella Italia to get a gift certificate for Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue. They deserved a romantic night out. Then I stopped by a music store. I scanned the racks of music for something that Seth would enjoy and Aunt Sue would tolerate. Would The Beatles be alright, or was Seth not into '60's music? Hmm... I couldn't make a choice so I bought him a giftcard. Hopefully he would make a good Aunt Sue-approved choice. I drove around the area, looking for a store where I could purchase something for Leah. Would jewelry suffice? Or maybe she'd want nail polish or something like that... I wasn't sure. So much had happened that I doubted how well I knew Leah. She obviously didn't have the same interests as she once had when we were... best friends.

I went into a book store. I wasn't sure what kind of store it was going to be, seeing how certain stores housed old books, used books, romance novels, etc. But I figured a book could suffice for Leah. It didn't even have to be a personal book like I was trying to convey some message of apology or remorse to her. I figured I could find something neutral, a good yarn perhaps.  
I browsed the new books for anything that looked remotely interesting. A book on Quileute legends caught my eye. I flipped through it casually and realized it was the type of book usually marked for tourists. And there as no doubt Leah already knew those legends anyway seeing how she'd grown up with them.

I sighed in defeat and looked at the classics. Maybe she'd enjoy some Jane Austen? Or not. Edgar Allan Poe was more her style at this point. I doubted she had a Poe book so I looked for books by him or similar to his style. An old Gothic could serve Leah well, I guessed. I ended up choosing a large book, The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe with Illustrations, and brought it up to the counter. Along the way, another book caught my eye.

The book appeared to be a medium size. The cover portrayed a calm lake with sun shining onto it. It seemed to sparkle. The title read, in a neutral font with green lettering, Being a Better You: How to Deal With People, Stress, and Everyday Problems. _Well, I have to deal with all of those things_, I thought to myself. Why shouldn't I get this? It was only $2.50 anyway. I grabbed the book, slightly embarrassed, and took it to the front. The lady at the register eyed my purchases with a strange look on her face. Of course I'd get a strange look... I _was_ purchasing both an Edgar Allan Poe book and a self help book. A strange combination.

"It's a gift." I said awkwardly, gesturing to the Poe book.

"Uh-huh," the lady said doubtfully. "$17.65."

I handed her a crisp twenty and recieved the change.

"Thank you," I said chipperly. "And merry Christmas!"

"Sure." the lady replied dryly. "A merry Christmas to you too... and don't forget to come back here sometime! We have the best prices around."

The lady spoke the last bit in a dead pan. I started to wonder how awful it really was working there. Maybe she was just irritated that she was working so close to Christmas? But probably not.

I got into my car and drove back to La Push. I still hadn't got anything for Sam. I doubt he'd want the antique plate anyway. He'd probably think it was a foolish purchase. But what would happen? I assumed he was going to get me a gift, but when he gave me something and I had nothing to offer... maybe that was for the best. Maybe it would be a breaking point and we'd part ways and it'd all be better.

No, Sam wouldn't break the engagement over a _Christmas gift_. That would be much too petty for him. He'd be upset, but mildy. Or mabye not even at all. Was there a way for me to break up with him? Maybe if I ran away... maybe... Ugh, it was all maybes.

I found that my thoughts occupied me on the car ride back and before I knew it, I was at the reservation. I parked my car by the Clearwater's house and hurried inside, quickly concealing the gifts in my room.

I went to wrap the book for Leah carefully. I didn't want anything to be out of order or sloppy. She deserved at least one thing perfect. But as I went to wrap it, I noticed that there was very little wrapping paper left. I went out into the kitchen to find Aunt Sue. Perhaps she had some wrapping paper I could use.

I found Aunt Sue in the kitchen with Uncle Harry. It appeared they were frying and filleting a fish. Well, mostly Uncle Harry.

"Hello Emily!" Aunt Sue said, smiling at me. "How are you? Where have you been?"

"I went into Port Angeles for some Christmas present shopping." I replied, not bothering to answer how I was feeling seeing how Aunt Sue shouldn't have to deal with my problems.

"Oh that's nice, dear!" she exclaimed happily. "I was just helping Harry with this fish his caught with Sam."

"It's a rainbow trout, Sue," Harry called. "And it's going to be a fine meal once we're through with it!"

"I'm assuing this is dinner tonight?" I asked.

"Yes," Aunt Sue replied. She opened the fridge and got out more fish. "Along with these. Obviously one fish isn't going to feed all of us."

I smiled as I imagined the amount of fish each one of us would get if we tried to eat a single rainbow trout.

"Sam's coming for dinner tonight, Sue. Just so you know." Harry said.

"Alright, honey. I'll set an extra place." Aunt Sue got up and started getting silverware. "I might as well start now. Care to join me?"

"Sure," I said, grabbing plates from the cupboard.

"So, Emily," Aunt Sue started. "How is Sam?"

I paused, I wasn't sure what to say. "He's... doing well, I suppose."

Aunt Sue nodded, setting down forks at each plate.

"There's a lot happening, isn't there?"

I nodded. "I'm not sure what to do."

Aunt Sue sighed. "I'm not sure any of us are quite sure either. But Emily, know this. Your Uncle Harry and I both love you very dearly. If you had any doubts, any at all, chase those far away! I know Leah is... bitter and angry. Yet I know she'll come around. She loves you too! You're practically sisters." She rested her hand on my shoulder in a motherly way.

"Thanks Aunt Sue," I said quietly. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Anytime, Emily."

We finished setting the table and went back into the kitchen.

"You've abandoned me and finally come back?" Uncle Harry joked.

Aunt Sue laughed and hugged him. "Never!"

They laughed some more and shared a kiss. They were certainly the epitome of a good marriage.

"I'll get going..." I said, heading out.

"No! Why don't you help me with this fish!" Uncle Harry protested. "You're quite the cook, I hear."

"I do what I can..." I said neutrally. "And I'll be happy to help you."

"Well, since Emily's helping," Aunt Sue began. "I'll go off and do some reading. You know I can't cook as well as you anyway, dear."

She left with a smile.

"So Emily..." Uncle Harry began. "This recipe has been passed from my father and his and so forth. It's quite old. Probably goes back to the beginning, with my ancestors!"

"Really?" I asked, doubtful, but masking it.

Uncle Harry's eyes lit up. "Nah, just joking. I actually learned how to make this famous fish fry by accident."

I raised my eyebrows.

"I'm not kidding!" Uncle Harry told me. "I added a few of the wrong spices and ingredients and no one wanted to eat it. In fact, as I recall, someone _dared _me to eat it. And I did, seeing how I was much younger and more reckless back then. To my suprise, it was quite a delicacy. Soon everyone wanted some and now look at me. Everyone still wants some. But since you are related to me and staying here, you get fish fry everyday!"

I laughed. Uncle Harry was an interesting person indeed.

"I'm just kidding with you there," he added hastily. "Fish fry everyday... Sue'd have a fit. She's always telling me to watch my fat and carb and cholesterol intake. Or some nonsense like that."

I smiled as I fixed some of the fish to be put in the pan.

"Sometime I'll get around to teaching you how to make my famous fish fry. But it looks like we'll need to hurry it up, so now is not the time!" Uncle Harry said, looking at the clock. "This dinner is already pretty late. Everyone must be starved."

He quickly finished the food and put it on the table. I crept back to my room before he could talk to me. There was nothing wrong with Uncle Harry talking to me, but I needed a break from... life. It was then that I realized I'd never asked Aunt Sue for wrapping paper. _I'll get it tomorrow_, I thought to myself.

I went back into my room and picked up the self-help book I had bought earlier. I turned to the section about people. That's where all my problems were anyway. Before I knew it, I was lost in the book. The author, Stephen Meyer, seemed to really know what he was talking about. I went to the beginning of the book after finishing the people section.

I was called away from the book when I heard Aunt Sue call me for dinner. I dog-eared the book and went to the table.

Maybe I could have control. Like Stephen Meyer had said in _Chapter Five: Working on Relationships_, I had control of my own fate. I could choose where to begin and end. I could choose to nuture a relationship or end it. If I chose to nuture, I would be bound to it. But if I chose to end it, I needed to maintain no ties. If only I was born with the intelligence of a self-help author!


	10. Truth

CHAPTER TEN (Leah)

A/N: Thank you to many of you for reviewing, suscribing to Story Alerts, adding Clear Water to your favorite stories list, and a bevy of other things. My email inbox was fresh with lots of notifications concerning this story. First off, I'd like to say that I'm trying to make this as close with the books, guide, and Quileute tribe as possible. In re-reading, I realize I've taken a few liberties with the order of events (in particular, Emily's mauling). For that I'd like to apologize. As I am continuing on in this story, most likely the events will not be changed unless I have the time to re-re-edit it. Second, in relation to the Quileute tribe, I have put a bit of research into the tribe from what Stephenie mentioned and my own Google searches. I have not been able to find much information that I could use for this story (ie: Christmas celebrations, marriage traditions, etc. which will appear in future chapters). If there is any inaccuracy in this story (there most likely will be) and you know information about the Quileutes and/or reliable websites, please either review or shoot me a PM! Thanks for reading and here is Chapter Ten:

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Christmas came around sooner than I expected. Yeah, I knew that Christmas wasn't one of the confusing holidays like Easter... not that I celebrated Easter anyway. It always fell on the same day, December 25th. What most people didn't know was that Christmas was one of the most lonely holidays of the year. Not as lonely as Valentine's Day, though. But still, as I looked around the house, I knew that this Christmas would be absolutely shitty. All the mistletoe and the couples crowded together... vomit worthy.

I crept out of my room on Christmas Eve. The rest of the family and Sam were reclining in the living room. They were laughing and smiling and frankly, I knew I'd be out of place with my sullen looks and limited speech. I quietly went in the kitchen. I had been in my room all that day reading and listening to music. I decided against human interaction as a whole.

As I poured myself a glass of water, I heard voices. They were hushed, but I could still hear them with perfect clarity.

"Tomorrow is Christmas." one voice said. Sam's. I knew that voice without a doubt.

"Yeah, December 25th. That's Christmas." the other voice replied, with a laugh. It was Emily.

"It'll be our first Christmas... as a couple." he said. "Usually I was with... Leah."

There was silence. I could practically hear my heart beating.

"Is that who you want to be with?" Emily asked, after quite a while.

"No!" I heard Sam exclaim. "I want to be with you. You _know_ this. How could you _not_ know this?"

"I'm just saying that maybe we need to stop. Maybe this isn't a good thing. Us, together. Maybe Leah deserves better! Maybe we deserve better."

"Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?" Sam asked, a distinct bitterness in his voice. "Is it because of the mauling. Of what you saw?"

"No!" Emily cried. "It's just that... maybe you deserve someone better than me."

"Who could be better than you?"

"Leah! Leah could be better than me! Leah _was_ better than me for almost three years!"

"Emily, you know it's more complicated than that!"

"It doesn't have to be. I can leave. I'll leave. We can be apart. And you can go back to Leah. We can forget that this happened. We can forget everything."

"No, we can't. We're meant to be together. I wouldn't have imprinted on you if we weren't meant to be!"

_Imprinting, what's imprinting?_ I thought to myself.

"What if you made a mistake? I'm sure those things happen..." she trailed off.

"I- I'm not going to do this, Emily. I'll lose control."

I heard the sound of heavy footsteps and the swing of a door. He had gone outside. I slowly made my way outside after grabbing my jacket. Maybe I could talk to Sam. I hadn't wanted to, but maybe something _could_ happen considering Emily didn't want him anymore.

"Emily, just go back inside." he mumbled, as I found him pacing outside the house.

"It isn't Emily." I said.

He spun around, facing me. His face was a mess of emotions. Agony and despair replaced the usual liveliness and pensivity I so often associated with Sam.

"You should go too. Go back inside Leah." he growled, turning away from me.

"No." I responded. "I won't go back inside. I won't do anything for you. You haven't done anything for me. All you've done is break my heart. And proposed to my best friend. And ruined my life. I owe you nothing."

He groaned. "Leah, I really don't want to talk right now. It's a bad time."

"Don't you understand?" I screamed. "Don't you understand what you've done to me! I used to be happy. I used to be in love. I used to be secure in what we had. Now? Nothing. I have nothing. None of it is there. There's no love, there's no happiness... I'm floating along, aimlessly. You took everything! And I want to hate you. I really do. I want to hate you and Emily. I want to hate everyone. And sometimes I do. I truly do. But when it comes down to it, I can't hate you. I can't hate you or Emily."

He paused, alarmed with my outburst. All the pent up feelings had finally come out. Each one, flowing toward him like tidals waves. They were drowning him. He looked me in the eye. "Why?"

"Because... I love you. I love you both, alright? And that's why I hate you. And I hate myself. I can't stop loving you. I can't stop remembering what we had. What we planned. I can't forget being in love. I can't forget being Emily's best friend either. I can't forget anything. I wish I could. I wish I could stop loving both of you because you two make me sick." I cried. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I brushed them away angrily. "I always wished I could've been strong enough to tell you how I felt. And I'm telling you now. _I love you_. I will _always_ love you. And I'm asking you now, here, if you can love me. Ever again. Because I still want you. Do you want me?"

"It'd be so much easier if we could all hate eachother," Sam whispered. He brushed my cheek gently, like he used to do. "Leah, I love you. I love you very much. And I love Emily. I want you to be in my life. But my life is with Emily."

I turned away, like I had been slapped.

"I can't believe I begged you. I pleaded with you. I opened up my heart and told you everything I felt. Everything. And you... rejected me." I spit out. "I don't want you in my life after all, Sam. I want you out of my life. You and Emily. What was I saying? I _loved_ you both? Lies. Leave. Both of you. Get married and leave. I'm not coming to your wedding. Emily needs to find a new bridesmaid. And you need to get the hell out of La Push. For good."

I left him there and ran. I don't know how far I ran, just that I needed to get the anger and frustration and heartbreak out. Eventually I ended up at the beach, as I usually did. I kicked off my shoes, no care if they would get frostbite from the cold. The sand was sticky on my feet from the water that mixed with it. I sat near the water, as close to the tide as I could without the waves crashing onto me. Instead, the waves lapped at my toes, the water biting them from time to time. I cried as I stared out into the ocean. Nothing was going to get better. Sam wasn't going to love me. Emily was going to marry him. There was nothing for me. Nothing to do.

I screamed, gathering sand and shells and throwing them into the ocean. I kicked the sand, sending it flying. I raged in agony as the cold set in. I wrapped my jacket tighter against me and put my shoes back on. I didn't want to let the cold get to me. I couldn't let the cold beat me too. I walked into the ocean, the water up to my knees. It was a numbing cold, a relaxating cold to me. I went in deeper, the water filling to my waist. A step more and I'd be completely submerged.

I could hear voices, yelling to me. But I didn't care. I couldn't care. Caring hurt too much. I closed my eyes and felt the water come over me.

What a numbing sensation. What a beautiful feeling. What bliss. What peace.

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Note: Cliff hanger, I know. Sorry about that. But I will tell you this, Chapter 11 will be entitled "Guilt." Thanks for reading and please review!


	11. Guilt

CHAPTER ELEVEN (Sam)

I pulled Leah out of the water. She was completely submerged and turning blue.

"Leah!" I yelled, holding her close to me in an attempt to warm her. "Wake up. Goddamn it, just wake up!"

I carried her back to the house, running as fast as I could.

"Mrs. Clearwater!" I yelled. "Everyone!"

Seth, Emily, and the Clearwaters appeared at the front door.

"Oh my god," Mrs. Clearwater gasped.

"Let me take her, Sam," Harry said, taking Leah from my grasp.

"What... what happened?" Seth asked, looking frightened and confused.

"She was at the beach..." Emily started. "Alone?"

I shook my head. "Now's not the time for questions. We need to take care of Leah. She probably has hypothermia."

Harry laid Leah on the kitchen table, moving aside the items on it roughly. A plate shattered and Emily leaned down to pick up the pieces.

"Emily, go get my first aid kit _now_," Sue commanded, as she took Leah's pulse. "It's in the bathroom closest."

Emily left behind the shards of plate and sprinted to get the first aid kit.

"Mom..." Seth began. "Will she be okay?"

"Yes," Sue said adamantly. "Yes. She will. If there's anything I can do about it."

Emily came back with the first aid kit. Sue snatched it from her quickly.

"Seth, go get blankets." she called. She turned to me. "I'm going to strip her and cover her in blankets, as is standard procedure for patients with hypothermia. I think it would be best for Leah if you left the room. I'll call you back when I'm finished."

I nodded. "Alright, should I take Seth?"

"Yes," she replied as Seth came back with blankets.

"Come on, Seth." I said, walking to the living room.

We sat on the couch for what seemed like hours. There was a flury of movement and yells back and forth. Harry was making a call on their phone. It was chaotic. And I didn't have a single clue at what had happened, just the guilt. What if Leah had died? Had I done this to her? Driven her to suicide?

"Sam," Seth whispered. "Is Leah going to die?"

"No, Seth. What would make you think that?" I replied.

He shrugged hesitantly. "I- I don't know..."

"She'll be fine, Seth. I promise. She'll be fine. Your mom is a great nurse. I have great faith in her."

He sat there awkwardly, staring at the patterns on the chair and looking around.

Finally, Mrs. Clearwater came out.

"You can come in. Dr. Wilde is coming soon. We've informed her of Leah's condition and she said that she will most likely be fine." she told us with relief.

Leah was wrapped in blankets, with only her face exposed. It was an unnerving sight. But there was color coming back in her face. I quickly recounted what had occurred between us in my mind, the memories whirling through.

_I want you out of my life!_

I shook my head. She wasn't dead. Leah wasn't going to die today. She wasn't going to die tomorrow. She was safe. She was fine.

_What was I saying? I _loved_ you both?_

But if she had died, would have been my fault? _Yes_, I thought. _It would've been_. _Yet she didn't die_.

I tried to convince myself I wasn't at fault, but the truth stared at me, its gaze penetrating. I felt someone touch me. I turned around and faced Emily.

"What if she had died?" Emily whispered, her eyes filled with tears.

"She didn't." I said, trying to convince myself once more.

Dr. Wilde came and examined Leah in the next few minutes.

"You did a good job Sue. And Leah's lucky you were there," she told me. "If you had gotten there a few moments too late, she wouldn't have survived. She owes you her life."

"She owes me nothing." I said. "Nothing at all."

Dr. Wilde rested a hand on my shoulder. "You're a good boy." She turned to the Clearwaters and Emily. "Call me if Leah gets any worse. But I think, at this point, she'll be fine. Just give her rest. Lots of it."

As Dr. Wilde left, Sue turned to Harry. "It was so close." She buried her face into him and cried. "It's my fault really. I should have taken more time with her. I should have asked her how she felt. I should have-"

"No," Harry cut her off. "It's no one's fault. No one's fault at all."

He carried Leah to her room, carefully as if she was a fragile doll. Sue followed him and they didn't come out. They were talking, probably. They shouldn't have felt guilty. Harry and Sue were the most caring parents I'd ever met. Certainly more caring then mine. Leah was lucky to have Harry, a good father who hadn't left her. And Sue? A loving mother.

I turned to Seth.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I guess." he mumbled. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

He walked away slowly and left me and Emily in the kitchen. Just where we started earlier.

"It's my fault." Emily said. "It's all my fault. If I hadn't... If we hadn't..."

She shook her head. "I'm going to bed. I need to sleep."

She turned away from me and walked to her room.

"Emily! Wait!" I called.

"Sam, I'm going to bed." she told me, without turning around.

"Emily... please."

She didn't reply, I only heard the sound of her door slam. I stood against the door and knocked.

"Sam, go away. I don't want to talk. I really just need to be alone." she said from the other side.

I turned the knob, it was locked.

"Just leave. It's locked."

"I know," I replied. "I just think we need to talk about it."

She opened the door. She was dressed in a pajama top and bottom. Her expression was slightly annoyed.

"No, I need to sleep. Tomorrow is Christmas Day and we have to make it as easy as possible for Leah and the Clearwaters. We can talk tomorrow. In private. After any of Sue and Harry's Christmas festivities are done." She started to close the door and I held it open. She scowled.

"Just tell me this will all be alright." I whispered, coming closer to her. I stared at her lips, how I wanted to kiss them. Kissing Emily would make so much better. She stood there so still. My cheek grazed hers.

"Sam..." she whispered. "I can't."

She turned away from me and closed the door. I ran my fingers through my hair and made my way to the kitchen. I looked at the clock. 12:07 am. Christmas Day.

And what a shitty Christmas this was going to be.

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A/N: Hmmm, not so content with this chapter. I find that the most writer's block comes to me for Sam's chapters and sometimes Leah's. I'll probably edit this later. But till then, please, please, please review and tell me what you think! I'd really love feeback or constructive criticism on this chapter and/or Clear Water as a whole. Anyway, thanks for reading! Chapter 12 (currently untitled) will probably come next week around Thursday, maybe. I'm having a lot of writer's block and I have prior commitments next week which will most likely take me away from writing.


	12. Accusation

CHAPTER TWELVE (Emily)

The thoughts of what had transpired filled my mind, the memories swimming in it rapidly. I had fought with Sam, twice in fact, and Leah had almost died. I stumbled out of bed at 5:23 am, sleeping was uncomprehensible. I figured I'd see if there was any cleaning I could do for Aunt Sue. I owed her that much. I walked into the kitchen. The Christmas lights were lit, a festive gesture. It was ironic with the somber events that had just occurred. The Christmas lights seemed out of place. They were too cheery, too optimistic.

I put on some coffee and surveyed the kitchen. It was relatively clean, a bit disheveled from the last night's events. Honestly, there wasn't much to do. I pulled out a chair from the table and sat down. I wasn't sure what to do. There was nothing to clean and no one to talk to. It was just me. And that was exactly what I hated.

The coffee finished and I poured myself a cup. I drank it black. I had never enjoyed creamers. I savored the bitter taste of natural coffee. It was refreshing and strong. I sipped from the mug I held, the coffee burning the roof of my mouth.

"Damn!" I exclaimed, setting it down. I went into my room, grabbing the self-help book. I supposed I could read it, seeing there was nothing else for me to do.

I sat down at the table with my coffee, a little less hot this time. I opened the book, turning to a random page. I didn't feel like reading Chapter Five. It would only make me think of Sam. I sat there for a little while, growing restless. Boredom wasn't common for me. I wandered back and forth thru the kitchen. I was starting to feel pathetic.

I glanced at the clock. 5:52 am. How was _that_ possible? I shook my head and blinked a few times. Yes, it really was 5:52. Hardly any time had gone by.

I sighed deeply and heard a rustling. Seth was there. He looked exhausted, dark circles resting under his eyes.

"Hey Seth," I said mustering a smile. He turned away from me. "What's wrong?"

"A lot of things. Okay?" he snarled. He turned to the kitchen cabinets and pulled out an energy bar.

"Your mom is probably going to make breakfast..." I started.

"Emily, no. Just stop."

I was taken aback. Seth was always good humored and optimistic. I'd never seen him like this. Ever.

"What's wrong?"

"What's _right_? Leah almost died, Emily. This is serious. All of this shit with you and Sam... it's not _nothing_. It's - It's - tearing my family apart!"

I grimaced. "But Seth... _I'm_ part of your family. Don't you realize that? That it's tearing _me_ apart too!"

He glared at me. "No... No, you started it. We were happy. Leah was happy. Our family was together. You're not part of my family. If you were, you wouldn't have torn us apart by taking Sam away from Leah. She loved him! And he loved her! Then you just swooped in and took him. Just like that, right under Leah's nose. Without any thought of her. You never cared, did you?"

I was shocked. "But Seth..."

"No!" he shouted. "I know Leah can be difficult to be around. I know she can get really emotional and completely shut down. I know that. I _live_ with her. I've been with her through all of that stuff before this. I'm her _brother_. And even though she's a freaking mess sometimes, and especially now, she's my sister. And - And - I love her! And you and Sam can't do this to her. I don't know why it's hitting me now... Oh wait, maybe because she almost died?"

I flinched at Seth's words. They spewed out, as if he'd bottled them up inside and was finally getting the courage to take out his rage on me.

"Why are you blaming me? Sam was a part of it too!" I retorted angrily.

Seth was about to respond, but then I heard a voice.

"That's enough, Seth," the voice said. It was Leah. "Go back to bed or something. Your shouting woke me up. And if you wake up Mom and Dad, I'll never forgive you. This Christmas is going to be awful enough anyway."

Grudgingly he trudged back into his room, but not before he stole a glare at me.

"Leah..." I began.

"Emily, no. I really don't have the time or desire to talk to you. At all. Just go."

"But... Leah, we need to talk!"

"Ha, we _need_ to talk? The last times we've talked, it's ended badly. It's not going to be any different this time. And if you haven't noticed, I'm - I can't deal with anymore of your and Sam's bullshit. I do admit, I owe my life to Sam. But to you, I owe nothing. Nothing at all," Leah told me, her eyes angry and full of pain. "In fact, I'd tell you to leave. Except my parents feel sympathetic to your cause. I don't think you should take advantage of their kindness, but you were never one for empathy. Were you?"

With her last jab, Leah turned away. She walked like she had won. And in some ways, she had.

It was then that I knew what I had to do.

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A/N: Grr, I hate that the word count is under 1000 :/ I always aim for at least 1000 words per chapter for you! Sorry about that. I promise Chapter 13 will be good. I've been planning it for awhile now and I'm absolutely thrilled that it will be in Leah's point of view. Here's a bit of a preview for next chapter (note: this is subject to minor alterations):

*spoiler*

It was almost amusing to see them fighting over a self-help book. They finally got what they deserved. But suddenly I heard the sound of a plate breaking and Emily yelling. Then I heard the slam of a door and the start of a car engine. Suddenly I felt a bit smug, but then guilty. Mom stared at me, trying to read my expression.  
"Sorry that this Christmas is so shitty. Who would've thought?" I snarked.

*end spoiler*

Thanks all! And please review(: Reviews ALWAYS make my day.


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